I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she smelled like a LAN party
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
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