Kiss
Puke
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
