What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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