No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
