I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
