Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
