Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
