i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
