First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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