You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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