only you would photoshop your dick
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
