Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
