you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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