You're my little dorito
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
