Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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