we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
