Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
