another moral hangover. fuck.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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