i may or may not be watching the land before time
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
