You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
