tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It's blow job season.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
