im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize