Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I haven't been this sober since birth.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
