I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize