the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize
