i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
