how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
