just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
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I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
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but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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