hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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