Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm at about main and main street
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
