break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
