I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
