I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
