I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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