i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just want to make out with him forever
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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