she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
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Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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