My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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