You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
