Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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