Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He passed out mid-signature
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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