he wants to bone in the snuggie
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
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I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
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He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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