i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
