Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
