I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
