Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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