i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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