hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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