I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
