i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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