This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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