i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
