Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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