I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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