I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
