Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
