The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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