Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
