im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
