drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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