dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
