I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
