So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
