My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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