my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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