come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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