Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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