Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
