I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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