New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
