My liver just broke up with me...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
