sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
