I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
