Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
