Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Randomize
