just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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