i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
