I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
