It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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