I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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