in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
