i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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