found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
